No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
