physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
