Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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