omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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