hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I need a burrito and a hug.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
