Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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