Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
