I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
