i jhust puked up my retainher.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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