I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
