escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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