I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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