From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The uberlube is also flammable
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
