$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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