she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
