Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
