Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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