I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize