i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i barfeds in our rink
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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