if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
