Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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