Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
