That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
