i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
either way he was missing a nipple.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
