i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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