i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I supernannyed him into submission
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
