Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
