its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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