I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize