Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
