Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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