I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
All I want is dick and wine.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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