Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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