i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
