hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
