Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
