I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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