You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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