So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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