Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
