sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
