Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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