never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
