are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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