Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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