My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize