No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
