This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
