she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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