my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
