My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
