Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he shaved USA in his pubs
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
