fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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