sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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