I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
