We're like a lot better than the average bears
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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