It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
