i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Actions speak louder than pants.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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