I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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