oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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