i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i wish my penis had a tongue
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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