im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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