Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
