My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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