ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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