I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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