she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
