Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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